Daddy Issues

Please note that this is a rather long post on the subject of Parent/Child roleplay. It is not about the spanking of actual kids, but about consenting partners who want to act like children in a spanking game. If this sort of thing offends you, please move onto another post. =)

When I first got into the RP Scene and attached to a couple of regular partners, the dynamics of our characters were almost always that of a parent and child. I would be the loving but firm Father, and they would be my bratty daughter. Usually she would be a teenager in serious need of an attitude adjustment, but we were not afraid to play with younger characters. I would always tone down the spankings for younger children. It took me a while to really adjust to this sort of play, because it did get me excited and it's weird feeling that way about kids, even imaginary ones.

As I've matured and gotten to know myself a bit better, I've come to realize that my spanking desires are not 100% tied in with my sexual desires. Yes, they connect, but I enjoy a spanking for the sake of a spanking and especially the cuddling and emotionally connecting that happens afterward. As it turns out, being a "Daddy" in an RP helps me to separate the two more clearly. And I've also learned to enjoy being Daddy when I'm not spanking my playmates. It's fun getting to spoil them with ice cream or trips to the zoo or finally getting that toy they've been asking me for.

I know that Age Play is a rather prevalent trend in the spanking scene, but I never really thought it would what I was into most. But honestly, when I take a look at myself, it makes sense.

My biological father was barely a part of my life when I grew up, and I resented him for it. While my mom would later marry a man that I came to know as my Dad, I still have "Daddy Issues" and probably always will. My dream from an early age was to be the kind of Dad that my father wasn't, who was there for his kids and always got to be a hero and not someone who abandoned them.

I've realized that RPing as a Daddy gives me a chance to live that out, to be the Dad I want to be but can't be yet. Now yes, obviously I don't plan to make punishment such a big focus as it is when I play, but that's what the play is for. Getting to be comforting and guiding, spoiling someone and bonding with them is more like awesome fringe benefits. And I just enjoy being warm and protective and laughing with my partners rather than being a bossy Dom all the time, so it works out better.

I hope that one day I'll get to be a real father, and I expect that at that point my desire for the role play will die down a little bit. But let's face it. When you're spanking your partner, sending them to your room, making them stand in the corner, washing their mouth out with soap...you are treating them like a child. So you might as well remove pretense.

I know there are plenty of girls out there who like the idea of getting spanked by a father figure, so I'm sure I'll find a girl who shares my interest. Until then, I'm glad I get to my the surrogate Daddy for some of my friends who desperately need some fatherly attention.

"Thank You Mr. Dobson"

There are several negatives about growing up in a conservative Christian family in the Bible Belt. While my parents were hardly prudes, my grandparents (on my mother's side, who I spent most of my time growing up with) are very traditional and too set in their ways to see things differently. It's a minor fault at worst, and I love them dearly. But it can be frustrating would for me when I hear them condemn people for being gay or be paranoid about our "Muslim President" (he isn't, but a person's faith or lack thereof is hardly grounds to be a good political executive). For someone who is as progressive and inclusive as I try to be, it becomes incredibly difficult to bite my tongue. I do so by reminding myself that they won't be here forever, and at this point it's not worth ruining my relationship with them to risk helping them see my side of things.

That was probably a little more serious of an introduction for this post than I intended it to be.

However, there is certainly one benefit of growing up in a conservative Christian family if you're say, a teenage spanko who knows there's no way you're going to smuggle porn into the house because you're a terrible liar. Not that I know anyone like that.... (=0

My grandparents have an enormous bookshelf downstairs that is full to overflowing. When I was very young, I spent my time pouring over the encyclopedias looking up information on as many different animals as I could, especially whales and big cats. But when I got older, the most interesting books were the ones centered about Christian parenting. And there were a lot.

I didn't read the books because I was learning how to be a good parent, although I'm sure I did pick up a few things about love and patience along the way. But it was mostly because a few decades ago, not so far away, it wasn't nearly as controversial for parenting experts to endorse spankings. And boy did these old men endorse them. In fact, there were often entire chapters devoted to the subject. Obviously, their intended purpose is not something I want to discuss on this blog. But you can imagine what it was like for a young man like me to have such vivid descriptions of my interest defined in the books. I'm sure my grandparents would be mortified to know that their parenting books did more to kindle my sexuality than the typical reading material for guys my age.

As I look back on this, I realize the books probably instilled a love of Father/Daughter role play in me. I am a shameless online role player, an interest that led me to meeting some of my dearest friends, spanko or not. And while some of our RP is romance, most of my platonic gal pals are looking for an outlet to live out their discipline fantasies. It usually starts with a school setting as I think we're squeamish about admitting we want to do the parent/children thing in our play. But it always ends up as that. I honestly have to admit that it's lovely to play like that because it actually separates spanking from sex, allowing me to focus on the former without obsessing over the later.

I wouldn't give a whole lot of the spanking advice in those books to my friends for any purpose, but there was one line that always stuck with me, and I think came a long way in defining what exactly I desire in my spanking relationships.

"A spanking is an event."

How true is that? There is a world of difference between the occasional swat or two (which are always nice) and a real, honest to goodness spanking. A spanking requires you to make time and a place to spend quality, very personal time with the person getting spanked. For the Submissive, it's something that's going to put them through a wide range of emotions and a lot of pain, something to remember for a long time. There is a certain ritual to even the most random, spur of the moment spankings. Putting them in position, the scolding, the removal of clothing, perhaps a time out in the corner. And most importantly, the tight cuddling and soft-spoken words of love spoken afterwards.

I suppose a spanking doesn't have to be an event. I'm sure there are thousands of people who read Fifty Shades of Grey and will probably never do more than a few light smacks before sex. There's nothing wrong with that, obviously. But I think most of us spankos would have very empty lives if spankings weren't "events". We want them to be well worth remembering

....I think I had a goal or point in mind when I decided to write this post, but it's probably just some rambling. All I know is, while many of us find our definition of spanking in a dictionary as a kid, I found it in those dozens of Christian parenting books that so vividly described the process.

So yeah, thank you James Dobson. You helped create at least one sexual deviant, and I'm eternally in your gratitude. /sarcasm