Keep Calm and Think of Spanking

This weekend has been an exercise in patience for me. For context on this post (and I'm sure ones to follow), I currently work in retail, though I shall be mum as to what store and where just for privacy's sake. I actually love my job there as the people I work with are some of the nicest and most dependable I've met in my life. I'd even call several of them good "friends" and not just co-workers. And for the most part, my guests don't get on my nerves too often.

This week is an exception. The weather is beautiful in Kansas and it is SPRING BREAK, which means there's a ton of bored teenagers and even more noisy, undisciplined children following their only slightly less noisy and probably LESS disciplined parents around. Which means we get a big mess all over the store.

When I say "a big mess", I mean that if Jackson Pollack painted "Godzilla Destroying Tokyo", it would be less of a mess than my store was this weekend.

Now, I don't mind busy. I really don't. I like making money and I like having things to do. I just wish that people were polite and picked up after themselves and watched their kids. It's not that difficult to do. I come from a family of six kids, and let me tell you, my parents had us on a nice, polite leash and they never had to resort to yelling or threatening us. If we put a toe out of line, one look was all it took.

So, just in case my future wife happens to be reading this, I'm giving you fair warning. When we go shopping, you're going to be putting shoes back in the box and in the spot they go in. You're going to be folding clothes the way they should be folded and in the spot they go in. You're going to throw drinks and food boxes in the trashcans and not leave them on the shelves. And if you decide you don't want something, we're leaving it in our cart and giving it to the cashiers so they can put it up later, and not have their store look like a pig sty.

And if you don't, you're gonna have a sore, red bottom when we get home. Count on it.

Speaking of spanking, I don't know how I'd get through days like this if I wasn't a spanko. I'm sure I'd find some way to cope, of course. But what I know is that when I get stressed at my guests and want to yell at them, I take a deep breath and follow my simple rule.

"Keep calm and think of spanking."

Spanking is a major source of stress relief for a lot of spankos. As a Top, spanking is how I get out all of the frustration and stress of my day-to-day out in a healthy, positive way that my friends, and one day my spouse, can enjoy. It allows me to vent and relax. And just thinking about that helps me to keep my temper under control.

I also think about Subbing when I need to calm down, which is one of the few times I think about me Subbing in a positive light. There's something to be said for the fantasy of letting someone else worry about everything for me, and all I have to do is get spanked. I'm sure you've probably read that on a hundred blog posts already, but there's a reason for it. Spanking relieves stress in a fun, intimate way.

So yeah. KCATOS. Keep Calm and Think of Spanking. It'll save your life. Expect to see this acronym pop up in future blogs, as I've fallen in love with it.

Why I'm a Switch, and Why I Try Not to Be

If you read my testimony "How God Made Me" (which you can read here if you haven't), you might recall that while I identify as a Top, I do admit to being a Switch. In fact, until the last year or so of my life I would mostly refer to myself as a Switch, someone who loves spanking and being spanked equally.

That isn't entirely the case. I've come to realize that a lot of my desire to be spanked comes from a rather dark place in my heart. When I feel submissive, it's because I'm feeling beat up by the world, worthless and unlovable. When I get in that place, I can become a very attention-starved brat of a young man, and that's really just what I'm going for.

When I feel like that, I want somebody, anybody really, to spank me and tell me how foolish and self destructive I'm being. In this case, I want somebody to ACTUALLY beat me up and give me a reason to cry, because the tough, calm, cool and collected man I usually am can't bring himself to let the waterworks flow just because of emotional problems. More importantly, I want to be scolded and spanked because if that happens, I know somebody cares about me, that I am loved. And if somebody loves me, then hey, I must not be totally worthless.

On one hand, I like that I can cope with my occasional depressed, "The World Hates Me" bouts of self-pity just by longing for a serious attitude adjustment. I think the fact that I can channel my feelings in the form of a spanking helps me cope a lot better than most people. On the other hand, the real truth I have to admit is that when I feel like Subbing, I'm in a place that I don't want to be and probably shouldn't be.

I don't know how common these feelings are amongst Subs, and I certainly don't want to guilt trip anyone whose natural state of being is being a Submissive. But I do think, at least to some degree, that masochistic tendencies amongst Christian spankos is a reflection of how we relate to God. We feel dirty and unlovable because we fall short of the standards our Lord sets for us, and sometimes we need to be beat over the head (or our bottoms) to remember that hey, we're loved no matter what we do.

On the reverse side of things, I am at my very best when I'm Topping for someone. Topping gives me a sense of strength and self-worth that I don't always feel all the time. The need to be there for someone, to help take care of them and steer them in the right direction, that's the sort of thing that makes me happy. When I'm Topping, I can walk tall and proud and no force on earth can drag me down.

So here's the thing. I am a Switch. Sometimes I want to be spanked, and it's a powerful urge, a need that's as far away from a kink as you can get. When I want a spanking, it's for disciplinary purposes, because I'm acting like a brat and need a fire lit under my butt to get my act together. I don't hate myself for that, but I think it's a good idea for me to make it a goal not to feel those feelings very often.

Because I'd rather not be depressed and angry at myself and the world. When I'm at my best, I have a lot to offer this world. Without bragging, I know the world benefits a lot more from my compassion, my insight and my unconditional love than it benefits from brooding and self-loathing.

So here's to Topping. Because when I spank, I'm happy, and that's the most important thing for me. =)