Valjean and Javert: A Contrast of Faith

Over the last week or so I've posted quite a few blogs that are about spanking, but very little about Christianity. Part of that is in deference to anyone reading who does not share my religious views, as I hope that I occasionally reach out to a wider audience. The idea behind Christian Spanking Fellowship was always to be an open and affirming blog that welcomes everyone, regardless of religious belief, sexual orientation or whatever else. I believe it's my duty as a believer in Christ to share His love with everyone, to give them a safe haven from the judgment and hopefully help them accept who they are and grow into the people God made them to be.

So, while reminding everyone that I am totally accepting of your beliefs and hope you enjoy the blog anyway, I am going to make an effort to set aside Sunday for more faith-oriented posts. Which is not to say that spanking won't be involved, just that it won't necessarily be the focus of my Sunday posts. I hope this pleases most of you.

Recently I purchased and watched Les Miserables on Blu-Ray. While I know the movie wasn't a hit with everyone, it would have had to have been a failure of spectacular proportions for me not to love it. I am a fan of good music, an admirer of Hugh Jackman and Anne Hathaway, and have had a fondness for Victor Hugo's works ever since I first saw the Disney version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame. This movie might as well have been made for me.

To me the most fascinating dynamic in the film is the relationship between the two male leads. Jean Valjean is a man condemned to a life marked as a "dangerous man" for the petty crime of stealing bread, and Javert is a dedicated servant of the corrupt French king, keeping and enforcing the laws he believes in. Both men are shown throughout the film to have a strong faith in God and petition Him to help in their causes.

Javert is a man who sees himself as a saint bringing sinners to justice, and while he is cruel, we get to see glimpses that he is essentially a good man. When he places his badge of honor on the young boy who dies standing up for what he believes in, we see that Javert is hardly heartless. He just places his faith in the letter of the law, and his morality is very black and white. He believes that people are either good or they are hopelessly evil and beyond reform, and the Lord rewards people accordingly. That is why he is rocked to his core when presented with Jean Valjean, a truly good man who was once a thief.

Jean's character is presented early on as man who hates the world, and feels justified in that because he has been wrongly placed in prison for nineteen years for stealing a loaf of bread for his starving family. When he is finally released, he has a lifetime of parole and papers that prevent him from finding any honest work or even the ability to sleep in an end. He is harassed and attacked by everyone from police to children, but ultimately has his turning point when he is shown unconditional love and acceptance by a priest. Even when Jean steals from him in desperation, the priest does not turn him over to the police, but gives him even more in the hopes that he will become an honest man of God.

While Valjean reconciles his soul with God fairly early on and never looks back, we see Javert's faith slowly unravel as he relentlessly pursues the man who who violated his parole. In spite of the years in prison and being chased by Javert, Valjean shows him nothing but mercy, contrition and even submission to his authority, only avoiding arrest to aid the suffering of others. Javert is in such denial that Valjean can possibly be good that by the end of the story, he commits suicide. The world he believed in was shattered and he could no longer live in it.

I find both men very easy to relate to. Ever since giving my soul to Christ in my ten years, I've had difficulty dealing with my sinful nature. At times I am like Javert, clinging to the letter of the Law and attempting to purge myself of all wrong doing, and refusing to believe that I can be both a saint and a sinner. More often, I am Valjean, a man who believes in God's forgiveness but has heard so many times that what I do and feel is wrong that I sometimes believe I am beyond forgiveness. Like Valjean, I eventually came to terms with my past faults and have found peace by loving others.

"To love another person is to see the face of God."

Very few movies are willing to so blatantly support faith in this day and age, while also giving serious thought to the questions that believers ask themselves. Les Miserables is a triumph of the human spirit, but it is also a demonstration that while a life devoted to God can be filled with suffering, there is a greater plan at work, and love will always persevere.

Self-Discipline (And a Prayer Request)

Something I haven't mentioned lately is that I'm just starting my bi-annual attempt to quit drinking soda. To put perspective on this, I have been known to drink an entire twelve pack of Dr. Pepper if left to my own devices. The first week was okay, as Gatorade helps me cope with wanting sugar on my mouth. I know soon enough the caffeine headaches are going to kick in and I'm going to be Mr. Grumpy Pants for a few days before my body adjusts.

I had my first real test today as I passed the Pepsi One-Liters in my store. I was so, so tempted to buy one, to feel that fizz on my tongue and the relaxation of caffeine calming my nerves. I know in the grand scheme of things a caffeine addiction is hardly the worst thing in the world. But it matters to me because it's something that controls me. I have to control it, and not the other way around.

It's part of being self-disciplined.

Self-discipline is not something I've always been very good at. But as I've gradually realized that I identify as a DD Top, it's become very important to me. To me, you cannot be a Head of Household and be responsible for the discipline of your partner unless you are disciplined yourself. You cannot be a lazy, undisciplined Head of Household. It's just not okay. You are trying to be responsible for making a person's life better, and you need to lead by example.

And this isn't just a "Top" thing. I believe in the Bible's standard of a husband as someone who should be the spiritual leader of his family, and be accountable to God for it. Not because I don't think the woman I marry won't be capable, but it's a matter of principle. When two people come together with a common goal, it's a lot easier to accomplish than if only one is committed, or if you're competing against each other. So I have to take care of myself, physically, emotionally, spiritually.

Nobody's perfect of course. We all fall short of the glory of God, and all that jazz. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to be the very best person you can be. It doesn't excuse you from trying to self-improve. It makes for a better you, and it makes for a better relationship with the people you interact with. Especially your partner.

I've been taking small steps to improve myself over the last few weeks, and part of it has been this blog. Because the fact is, this blog makes me accountable to people, something I haven't had in a long time. I have to seriously think about who I am as a person, as a spanko, as a Christian. And that's important to me. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm being honest with myself.

So if you see me write little blurbs about what I am doing to structure my life more and create a better me, please bare with me. I'm making myself better, so that I can be the best me I can be. And so that when I meet this girl, she's going to meet a better me than I am today, something who's worthy of taking her by the hand and guiding her through our life together.

On a completely unrelated topic, I would greatly appreciate prayers for my younger brother, who will be going under the knife tomorrow for cranial surgery. We trust the doctors and are hopeful for the best, but it's a scary thing for all of us. So if you can spare a moment, just keep him in your thoughts. Thank you for your time, and God bless.

Love for Leah Kelley

Does anyone else like to read spanking fiction? I know I do!

Check out Leah Kelly's blogs here, where you can find links to her library of books based on Christian Domestic Discipline. Some are fun, some are educational, but I'm sure you'll find something that interests you.

http://leah-kelley.blogspot.com/

Why I'm a Switch, and Why I Try Not to Be

If you read my testimony "How God Made Me" (which you can read here if you haven't), you might recall that while I identify as a Top, I do admit to being a Switch. In fact, until the last year or so of my life I would mostly refer to myself as a Switch, someone who loves spanking and being spanked equally.

That isn't entirely the case. I've come to realize that a lot of my desire to be spanked comes from a rather dark place in my heart. When I feel submissive, it's because I'm feeling beat up by the world, worthless and unlovable. When I get in that place, I can become a very attention-starved brat of a young man, and that's really just what I'm going for.

When I feel like that, I want somebody, anybody really, to spank me and tell me how foolish and self destructive I'm being. In this case, I want somebody to ACTUALLY beat me up and give me a reason to cry, because the tough, calm, cool and collected man I usually am can't bring himself to let the waterworks flow just because of emotional problems. More importantly, I want to be scolded and spanked because if that happens, I know somebody cares about me, that I am loved. And if somebody loves me, then hey, I must not be totally worthless.

On one hand, I like that I can cope with my occasional depressed, "The World Hates Me" bouts of self-pity just by longing for a serious attitude adjustment. I think the fact that I can channel my feelings in the form of a spanking helps me cope a lot better than most people. On the other hand, the real truth I have to admit is that when I feel like Subbing, I'm in a place that I don't want to be and probably shouldn't be.

I don't know how common these feelings are amongst Subs, and I certainly don't want to guilt trip anyone whose natural state of being is being a Submissive. But I do think, at least to some degree, that masochistic tendencies amongst Christian spankos is a reflection of how we relate to God. We feel dirty and unlovable because we fall short of the standards our Lord sets for us, and sometimes we need to be beat over the head (or our bottoms) to remember that hey, we're loved no matter what we do.

On the reverse side of things, I am at my very best when I'm Topping for someone. Topping gives me a sense of strength and self-worth that I don't always feel all the time. The need to be there for someone, to help take care of them and steer them in the right direction, that's the sort of thing that makes me happy. When I'm Topping, I can walk tall and proud and no force on earth can drag me down.

So here's the thing. I am a Switch. Sometimes I want to be spanked, and it's a powerful urge, a need that's as far away from a kink as you can get. When I want a spanking, it's for disciplinary purposes, because I'm acting like a brat and need a fire lit under my butt to get my act together. I don't hate myself for that, but I think it's a good idea for me to make it a goal not to feel those feelings very often.

Because I'd rather not be depressed and angry at myself and the world. When I'm at my best, I have a lot to offer this world. Without bragging, I know the world benefits a lot more from my compassion, my insight and my unconditional love than it benefits from brooding and self-loathing.

So here's to Topping. Because when I spank, I'm happy, and that's the most important thing for me. =)

Bible Devotionals: A Chance to Bond as a Christian Spanking Couple

I think I can speak for the majority of Christian's when I say I could probably stand to read my Bible a little more often than I do. God's Word is a wonderful source of comfort and inspiration and if you know where to look, just spending a few minutes diving into the Word and communing with God can give you the strength you need to get through your day.

Of course, it's not always easy to get around to sitting down and reading the Bible. I'll spare you the reasons and let you take a theology class. Instead, I'm here to talk about how being in a spanking relationship can be a huge advantage when it comes to getting down to devotionals.

You've probably already found that devotionals are easier to do with your partner, as you have someone to keep you accountable and to discuss what you are reading. But the next time you do a devotional, add a spanking twist to it. Have the Submissive partner lay over your lap and read.

From here, the result tends to depend on your spanking style. If you're in a Domestic Discipline relationship, have the spankee read, and any fighting or giving up early results in a spanking. Or, if this is more applicable, make a rule that you can't start spanking until after your devotional is done. Whatever suits you best.

Spanking and Bible Devotionals are both very intimate experiences that allow couples to communicate and grow together. One is good, but put them together and you can have a wonderful time.

And trust me, after a few days to get into this habit, you'll wonder why you hadn't been doing it earlier.

There Is No Right Way To Be A Spanko

Part of the reason I made this blog is in response to the website Christian Domestic Discipline, which is unfortunately the only major "faith-based" website devoted to spanking I've ever seen. To me, it's rather abhorrent that a website that is so utterly misogynistic and archaic in it's viewpoints is the "go to" website for any Christian who wants to learn more about their spanking desires without throwing themselves headfirst into a world that is confusing, sometimes overwhelming, and unfortunately too often hostile to the faith they hold dear.

While I AM a Christian and I AM seeking a Domestic Discipline relationship with my future wife, I want to make the clear distinction that separates what this blog promotes and what you may have read at that website.

The Bible does not promote Domestic Discipline as the Godly way to live a marriage. Under no circumstances should you, as a Christian spanko, feel morally obligated to discipline or submit to the discipline of your spouse. While this certainly the desired lifestyle for many people, it is not the ONLY lifestyle and is certainly not the "Biblically correct lifestyle."

Suppose you are a woman who wants to be spanked by your husband because you find it fun and sexually arousing, but not because you have been a "bad person" or are failing to submit to him. That is perfectly okay. You do not have to be disciplined if you don't want to do that. Be a spanko the way you want to be a spanko!

Maybe you are a male spanko who would rather be a bottom than a top, but CDD tells you that it's your responsibility to be the "Head of the Household" and take your woman in hand, because she is less than you. If you don't want to be the Top in your spanking relationship, that is okay! Find a strong, dominant woman who shares your values and loves to spank men. Be a spanko the way you want to be a spanko!

I could go on and on and on, providing examples, but I don't want to ramble about it for too long. The point is, you are your own unique person. God made you the way you are, and He wants you to discover who you are, and that includes your sexuality and your overall identity as someone who wants to be into the spanking scene. Do what feels right for you, and don't let anyone tell you what you SHOULD do. As long as you and your partner are happy and no one is being abused, your relationship is exactly what it needs to be.

Of course, this also includes people who do fit into the stereotypical Husband-Disiciplines-His-Wife scenario. Please understand I am not condemning this lifestyle choice. It is my preference. But that's the difference. It's what I want, not what I feel like I'm morally obligated to do. I want my wife to submit to my discipline because she wants to, not because a website that thinks that men are better than women says she should. And if my wife likes to be spanked, I don't want her to have to feel like she has to misbehave in order to get my attention. Because she certainly won't!

There is no right way to be a spanko....except to make you and your partner as happy as you can while doing it!

My views on homosexuality

While this obviously isn't me, since I decidedly prefer women, I wish I could have given this speech or at least been in attendance. Please share the video and help fight hatred against homosexuality!

How God Made Me

This is my testimony about growing up as someone who was committed to God and obsessed with spankings. At first the two seemed to conflict with each other, but through my spiritual journey and introspective thought process, I'm come to realize that not only are these two passions not in conflict, but they are interwoven and make me who I am. I should not shun one or the other, but embrace them both.

First, a brief testimony about my faith. I was raised in a Christian Home in Kansas with fairly traditional morals and have always believed in God. My mother however, taught me to carefully analyze the Bible and what Christians were saying about certain topics, such as homosexuality and the need to be baptized in order to go to Heaven. In my pre-teen years I developed a chip on my shoulder for organized religion in general, but still believed in God and that he was good.

When I was fourteen I was led by a friend to develop a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. For the last ten years or so, my relationship with God has gone up and down as I tried to divine what the Lord really wanted for His children and what people have said that He wants for His children. I have also had to battle depression and loneliness, but by leaning on God I have managed to overcome these hurdles.

Ultimately, I have to be responsible for my own faith and my own personal relationship with God. For the last few years I have allowed certain outspoken members of my faith to speak for God to me, and have had trouble reconciling it with my view of God. When someone cannot find their own niche that lines up with what they know to be the true nature of God, they either become an island unto themselves, or reach out to like-minded people to create a fellowship.

I am tired of being an island, and this blog is as much about being open and accountable for my faith as it is about being open and accountable about my love and need for spanking.

Although I know I was spanked as a child, I have little memories of the events. My earliest spanking memories are from reading The Little House in the Big Woods, where Laura Ingalls Wilder recalls a birthday spanking given to her by her father. I also remember being enthralled by the occasionally love taps I would see on film. The idea of spanking a girl was simply something I wanted to do, though I could not explain why.

By middle school I realized that spanking was at least in some way a sexual desire, and since that was a convenient label I identified it as my kink. I wanted to spank girls because I'm attracted to butts. The natural curves of a woman simply inspire the desire to touch them, and a spanking provided a convenient excuse. I loved how you spank someone "because they are naughty", which is generally my approach to sex. And I loved the visuals: the vulnerability of a girl over a man's knee, the glow of a well-spanked bottom, the sheer adorableness of a young lady sobbing and rubbing her cheeks after a spanking.

Deep down, I hated the fact that I wanted to spank girls, because I knew it would hurt and it's not a comfortable thought for someone as loving and considerate as I try to be to want to cause someone pain. I remember feeling dirty and unclean about my desires. Sex was natural, God wants us to love our spouses and have sex and that was fine. But spanking? As much as I really, really wanted to spank a woman, I felt that it was sinful and should not be done.

When I could not deny my interests in spanking, I took to the internet to see if there was anyone else with my problem. I found that not only was I not alone, but there is an entire group of wonderful, supportive people who had written countless material about spanking. Why they liked spanking, stories about spanking, how they came to terms with their unusual sexuality. Most exciting was that I found that many women have a desire and a need to BE spanked, which for me was the most exciting revelation ever.

Perhaps the biggest realization for me was that spanking is not just about sex. For tops and bottoms alike, there is a deep, real need for spanking in their lives. It's an emotional and spiritual need that has to be kindled to in order for the person to be whole. When I realized this, being a spanko was something I stopped identified as being a kink and started taking as my identity. Being a Spankophile IS my sexuality, much like being gay or straight. It's not just a matter of mechanics: everything about the spanking narrative is intrinsic to who I am and how I relate to the people I romance.

Realizing the deep psychological need that submissives have to be cared for, disciplined, controlled and nurtured by those who spanked them allowed me to reconcile my self-loathing. If I could find a woman who loved and needed to be spanked, whether it was just for fun or as a real disciplinary relationship, then my desires to take her over my knee would hardly be sinful. Unusual and atypical for most marriages perhaps, but it would be fulfilling her needs as well as mine, which is what a husband should do.

Over my period of self-discovery, I had to come to terms with a few things. One was that I can identify as being a switch. Not only do I want to spank, but a large part of me wants to be spanked as well. I also came to realize that I had fantasies of spanking and especially being spanked by men. Exploring these different aspects of my being has been an interesting journey that was at times painful. But ultimately, the journey helped me to realize who I am and what I need to be happy in romance.

My name is Aaron, and I am a Christian Spanko that primarily identifies as a Top. The greatest fulfillment I can possibly have is to care for, nurture, protect, guide and love a young woman who needs and wants to be spanked by a loving man. Though I would never force a Domestic Discipline relationship on my wife, I have found that is it the relationship dynamic that I enjoy the most, that makes me whole. And at the core of that relationship is Godly principles of putting my wife first and taking care of her needs.

In the interest of being open, I will confess that I am a single man and a virgin. In fact, I have never even kissed a girl. I have also never spanked one. While that may be uncool for a twenty-three year old man to admit, the fact of the matter is, going and having sex for the sake of having sex just doesn't appeal to me. I don't care about getting laid. I am not looking for a hook-up, I am looking for a companion.

I won't lie. A lot of the motivation for me starting this blog and my facebook page is because I want to meet a girl who I am compatible with on a spiritual and sexual level. However, if I never do, that's okay too. Because as I've made Christian Fellowship Spanking and even in the course of writing this testimony, I've come to realize the truth behind why I did.

This is about coming to terms with my own identity. I am a Christian man who wants to be in a Domestic Discipline relationship with a woman who loves God as much as I do, and needs to be spanked as much as I need to spank. That may be a severely limiting label, but that's who I am.

That's how God made me.

Welcome to Christian Spanking Fellowship!

Before I get into what this blog is, let me first clarify what it is not:

1) This is NOT a blog about spanking children. I neither condemn nor condone this practice, but it will not be discussed beyond this initial post, and I ask anyone else to refrain from discussing it on the blog. Thank you for your understanding.

2) This is NOT a blog that promotes Christian Domestic Discipline as the ideal. While I personally am seeking a Domestic Discipline relationship and will discuss the subject at length in many posts, I will never imply that the only good spanking partnership is a husband disciplining his wife. Where's the fun in that? =)

My name is Aaron, and I've created this blog so that I can post my thoughts as both a Christian and a spanko. Growing up, I've found that it can be difficult to reconcile these two sides of me, as many outspoken and judgmental Christians view my lifestyle as perverted and ungodly. On the flip side, I have found it difficult to connect with some of my spanking friends because of my faith, which is very important to me.

I believe I am not the only one who has had this issues, so I have created Christian Spanking Fellowship to create an environment where people can talk about their love for God and their love for spanking without fear of being judged. For right now, this is a page on Facebook, and the blog is a supplement to that.

I classify myself as a Progressive Protestant. I believe in the Lord my God, and in Jesus Christ who saved me, and in the Holy Spirit working within me to do good. I believe that the Bible is the word of God but that is misinterpreted by foolish and malicious believers who miss the true point of the Bible.

I am a supporter of LGBT rights and the freedom of religion or not to have a religion. No person should be persecuted for any reason other than the quality of their character, which is measured in how they treat other people. I will never judge you or condemn you for having different beliefs than mine, I simply ask that you respect mine.

Overall, feel free to post on anything and ask me anything, but follow the Golden Rule: Treat others the way you want to be treated! Thank you very much and God bless.