How God Made Me

This is my testimony about growing up as someone who was committed to God and obsessed with spankings. At first the two seemed to conflict with each other, but through my spiritual journey and introspective thought process, I'm come to realize that not only are these two passions not in conflict, but they are interwoven and make me who I am. I should not shun one or the other, but embrace them both.

First, a brief testimony about my faith. I was raised in a Christian Home in Kansas with fairly traditional morals and have always believed in God. My mother however, taught me to carefully analyze the Bible and what Christians were saying about certain topics, such as homosexuality and the need to be baptized in order to go to Heaven. In my pre-teen years I developed a chip on my shoulder for organized religion in general, but still believed in God and that he was good.

When I was fourteen I was led by a friend to develop a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. For the last ten years or so, my relationship with God has gone up and down as I tried to divine what the Lord really wanted for His children and what people have said that He wants for His children. I have also had to battle depression and loneliness, but by leaning on God I have managed to overcome these hurdles.

Ultimately, I have to be responsible for my own faith and my own personal relationship with God. For the last few years I have allowed certain outspoken members of my faith to speak for God to me, and have had trouble reconciling it with my view of God. When someone cannot find their own niche that lines up with what they know to be the true nature of God, they either become an island unto themselves, or reach out to like-minded people to create a fellowship.

I am tired of being an island, and this blog is as much about being open and accountable for my faith as it is about being open and accountable about my love and need for spanking.

Although I know I was spanked as a child, I have little memories of the events. My earliest spanking memories are from reading The Little House in the Big Woods, where Laura Ingalls Wilder recalls a birthday spanking given to her by her father. I also remember being enthralled by the occasionally love taps I would see on film. The idea of spanking a girl was simply something I wanted to do, though I could not explain why.

By middle school I realized that spanking was at least in some way a sexual desire, and since that was a convenient label I identified it as my kink. I wanted to spank girls because I'm attracted to butts. The natural curves of a woman simply inspire the desire to touch them, and a spanking provided a convenient excuse. I loved how you spank someone "because they are naughty", which is generally my approach to sex. And I loved the visuals: the vulnerability of a girl over a man's knee, the glow of a well-spanked bottom, the sheer adorableness of a young lady sobbing and rubbing her cheeks after a spanking.

Deep down, I hated the fact that I wanted to spank girls, because I knew it would hurt and it's not a comfortable thought for someone as loving and considerate as I try to be to want to cause someone pain. I remember feeling dirty and unclean about my desires. Sex was natural, God wants us to love our spouses and have sex and that was fine. But spanking? As much as I really, really wanted to spank a woman, I felt that it was sinful and should not be done.

When I could not deny my interests in spanking, I took to the internet to see if there was anyone else with my problem. I found that not only was I not alone, but there is an entire group of wonderful, supportive people who had written countless material about spanking. Why they liked spanking, stories about spanking, how they came to terms with their unusual sexuality. Most exciting was that I found that many women have a desire and a need to BE spanked, which for me was the most exciting revelation ever.

Perhaps the biggest realization for me was that spanking is not just about sex. For tops and bottoms alike, there is a deep, real need for spanking in their lives. It's an emotional and spiritual need that has to be kindled to in order for the person to be whole. When I realized this, being a spanko was something I stopped identified as being a kink and started taking as my identity. Being a Spankophile IS my sexuality, much like being gay or straight. It's not just a matter of mechanics: everything about the spanking narrative is intrinsic to who I am and how I relate to the people I romance.

Realizing the deep psychological need that submissives have to be cared for, disciplined, controlled and nurtured by those who spanked them allowed me to reconcile my self-loathing. If I could find a woman who loved and needed to be spanked, whether it was just for fun or as a real disciplinary relationship, then my desires to take her over my knee would hardly be sinful. Unusual and atypical for most marriages perhaps, but it would be fulfilling her needs as well as mine, which is what a husband should do.

Over my period of self-discovery, I had to come to terms with a few things. One was that I can identify as being a switch. Not only do I want to spank, but a large part of me wants to be spanked as well. I also came to realize that I had fantasies of spanking and especially being spanked by men. Exploring these different aspects of my being has been an interesting journey that was at times painful. But ultimately, the journey helped me to realize who I am and what I need to be happy in romance.

My name is Aaron, and I am a Christian Spanko that primarily identifies as a Top. The greatest fulfillment I can possibly have is to care for, nurture, protect, guide and love a young woman who needs and wants to be spanked by a loving man. Though I would never force a Domestic Discipline relationship on my wife, I have found that is it the relationship dynamic that I enjoy the most, that makes me whole. And at the core of that relationship is Godly principles of putting my wife first and taking care of her needs.

In the interest of being open, I will confess that I am a single man and a virgin. In fact, I have never even kissed a girl. I have also never spanked one. While that may be uncool for a twenty-three year old man to admit, the fact of the matter is, going and having sex for the sake of having sex just doesn't appeal to me. I don't care about getting laid. I am not looking for a hook-up, I am looking for a companion.

I won't lie. A lot of the motivation for me starting this blog and my facebook page is because I want to meet a girl who I am compatible with on a spiritual and sexual level. However, if I never do, that's okay too. Because as I've made Christian Fellowship Spanking and even in the course of writing this testimony, I've come to realize the truth behind why I did.

This is about coming to terms with my own identity. I am a Christian man who wants to be in a Domestic Discipline relationship with a woman who loves God as much as I do, and needs to be spanked as much as I need to spank. That may be a severely limiting label, but that's who I am.

That's how God made me.