Self-Discipline (And a Prayer Request)

Something I haven't mentioned lately is that I'm just starting my bi-annual attempt to quit drinking soda. To put perspective on this, I have been known to drink an entire twelve pack of Dr. Pepper if left to my own devices. The first week was okay, as Gatorade helps me cope with wanting sugar on my mouth. I know soon enough the caffeine headaches are going to kick in and I'm going to be Mr. Grumpy Pants for a few days before my body adjusts.

I had my first real test today as I passed the Pepsi One-Liters in my store. I was so, so tempted to buy one, to feel that fizz on my tongue and the relaxation of caffeine calming my nerves. I know in the grand scheme of things a caffeine addiction is hardly the worst thing in the world. But it matters to me because it's something that controls me. I have to control it, and not the other way around.

It's part of being self-disciplined.

Self-discipline is not something I've always been very good at. But as I've gradually realized that I identify as a DD Top, it's become very important to me. To me, you cannot be a Head of Household and be responsible for the discipline of your partner unless you are disciplined yourself. You cannot be a lazy, undisciplined Head of Household. It's just not okay. You are trying to be responsible for making a person's life better, and you need to lead by example.

And this isn't just a "Top" thing. I believe in the Bible's standard of a husband as someone who should be the spiritual leader of his family, and be accountable to God for it. Not because I don't think the woman I marry won't be capable, but it's a matter of principle. When two people come together with a common goal, it's a lot easier to accomplish than if only one is committed, or if you're competing against each other. So I have to take care of myself, physically, emotionally, spiritually.

Nobody's perfect of course. We all fall short of the glory of God, and all that jazz. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to be the very best person you can be. It doesn't excuse you from trying to self-improve. It makes for a better you, and it makes for a better relationship with the people you interact with. Especially your partner.

I've been taking small steps to improve myself over the last few weeks, and part of it has been this blog. Because the fact is, this blog makes me accountable to people, something I haven't had in a long time. I have to seriously think about who I am as a person, as a spanko, as a Christian. And that's important to me. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I'm being honest with myself.

So if you see me write little blurbs about what I am doing to structure my life more and create a better me, please bare with me. I'm making myself better, so that I can be the best me I can be. And so that when I meet this girl, she's going to meet a better me than I am today, something who's worthy of taking her by the hand and guiding her through our life together.

On a completely unrelated topic, I would greatly appreciate prayers for my younger brother, who will be going under the knife tomorrow for cranial surgery. We trust the doctors and are hopeful for the best, but it's a scary thing for all of us. So if you can spare a moment, just keep him in your thoughts. Thank you for your time, and God bless.