Kill Me Kate

I'd like to apologize for being quiet for the last two days. I've had a nasty bout with the flu and had trouble getting out of bed, much less trying to force myself to write.

In general, I find that I'm much more open about being a spankophile than most of my kindred spirits. I don't paste the word to forehead or anything, but I'm not afraid to make jokes at my expense or send my friends to the corner. Most of my closest friends know, and while they don't always understand, I've only ever had one that wasn't supportive.

I think part of the reason for that is become I'm younger than most of the bloggers than I've read for the better part of ten years, and my peers are generally more accepting of people's differences than a lot of past generations. Not all of course, but I think my generation as a whole is much more liberally minded than our parents. Speaking of them, as long as THEY don't know, I'm okay with anyone else knowing. It's part of who I am and I don't feel ashamed about it.

The only reason I don't come out to my parents is that I overheard a conversation that they had with my younger brother. When I was about 14, I didn't know how to thoroughly delete browsing history, and when my Mom found a slew of spanking (and especially DD websites) sites on her computer, she was livid. As the only one of my brothers who spent his Wednesdays at Church with my Youth Group, I was the last person she suspected, and she immediately accused my younger brother, who already knew about my interest in spanking. My Mom went on a lengthy tirade about how it was wrong and abusive, and I almost broke down and admitted it right there, which probably would have landed me in therapy.

Now, please understand that my mother has a history of partner abuse. When you've been beaten with a belt by your boyfriend without your consent, it's hard to imagine how anyone could consent to and enjoy being punished. I think when you see sites that have men in the dominant role, you kind of get scared that your sons will be abusive and dangerous. So I don't blame her for her views, but it also means I can never open up to her about it. Which hurts, honestly.

My brother took the heat for it, something that I don't think I'll ever be able to repay him for. Since then, I've learned to be much more careful about when and where I browse sites.

Every once in a while though, something happens where I almost fear I'm gonna get outed just by how I react to anything spanking related. Probably the most memorable, and most horrifying for me, happened when my Mom took me to the theater to see the stage production of "Kiss Me, Kate", which I knew absolutely nothing about. For those of you who DO know about it, you probably know exactly where this is headed.

I am relatively certain playing the leads in "Kiss Me Kate" is about the only occasion where a man could spank a grown woman "against her will" in public, in front of hundreds of presumably vanilla people, and have every single one of them cheer and clap for it. Everyone that is, except my Mom, who shook her head and rolled her eyes, and me, who was so beet red in the face and so recoiled in my chair from the shock of seeing a spanking on stage that I feared she would notice and my life would be ruined.

Once I survived that ordeal, I figured everything would be okay. One spanking, she didn't notice, it wouldn't be a problem again.

Boy was I ever wrong.

The entire second act is FILLED with jokes referring back to the spanking. The actress has trouble sitting down. The man who spanked her threatens to do it again. There's a big argument. It goes on and on and ON.

Kill Me Kate.

Of course, once I got home to the safety of my bedroom and my personal laptop, I scoured the internet for as many versions of the Kiss Me Kate spanking as I could find. But I don't think I'll ever, ever be able to survive another showing of it while seated next to my mother.